Beyond the Grain: Unearthing Your Authentic Self Through Ancient Wisdom and Modern Psychology
On Authenticity and the Inner World
The true business we must mind is our own inner world: to be vigilant observers of our thoughts and the behaviors they produce.
The universe operates on a principle of action and reaction. This law extends beyond the physical realm into the very fabric of our consciousness. Our thoughts—even those we never act upon—are actions in themselves. They send signals, creating a reaction both within our body and soul, and through our soul, out to the universe. Our bodies, which we perceive as ours, are fundamentally a part of this interconnected whole. Thus, a decision not made is still a decision; inaction is still a form of action. There is no escaping.
The key lies in understanding that we are in control of our thoughts. This control grants us the ability to observe them as they arise and to ask a critical question: Is this thought truly mine? . To truly "own" a thought means to trace its origins, to recognize if it was implanted by cultural or social conditioning, and then to consciously decide if it aligns with our authentic self, accepting all its consequences. This is not the task of a moment or a few years, but the continuous practice of a lifetime and beyond.
The Conflict with the Grain
Why is this internal work so crucial? I realized at a young age that what we learn in school has little to do with the art of living. We are sold a membership in a community where playing the game ensures comfort, while fighting against it invites the wrath of the collective, expressed through the very people we encounter. The state's consciousness—its sense of right and wrong—is upheld by its citizens, who often feel offended when you stray from the accepted path, the "grain" that nourishes the system's existence.
For the most part, I have lived outside this grain, meandering through life like a rebel without a cause. Now, at fifty, I can see both the benefits and the considerable costs of this path. The experiences have been rich, but the hiding and the struggle have been profoundly tough. At a crossroads, needing to decide whether to roll with the grain to achieve certain ends, and if so, how to do it without becoming blind to what is real: life itself, lived with conscious awareness.
The pragmatic path seems to be this: if you need to go with the grain to get what you want, do it. Then, once you have it, consciously step away from that mindset. If you can avoid the grain, evaluate if the alternative is worth the effort. Often, the difficult path is short-lived, and in the long run, it pays off. The ultimate goal is to engage with life fully, not to let the struggle against the system consume the years you have left.
Descending into the Abyss
This internal conflict recently brought me to a sulk of thoughts, sinking into the void that many call the abyss of the mind. It is a depth most people consciously ignore, keeping themselves occupied with a nine-to-five lifestyle and worries about a future that has not yet happened. We forget that we already are the better person we aspire to be. Accepting this truth is a path toward peace, but to truly tread it is to walk with the unknown.
David Whyte: Preserving the Soul (excerpt) - Thinking Allowed with Dr. Jeffrey Mishlove
This journey into the abyss must be taken alone, with no strings attached. It requires a complete surrender to what is there, an acceptance of all you find. For me, this descent was triggered by a deep-rooted regret of sorts, an anger.
Anger, as a raw emotion, is good. It is a signal. Its danger lies in its unresolved reaction, which festers into hate. A child, when angry, reacts immediately and vents the emotion. As we grow, social and cultural norms teach us to repress this anger. We say nothing, and the feeling gets stored away, leading to all manner of mannerisms, anxieties, and phobias in later life. This accumulation of buried reactions eventually leads to regret, and regret gives way to a deep-seated hatred for not having acted naturally when we could have.
This leads to a fundamental question:
What would our world look like if we were trained from childhood to understand and process our emotions maturely?
If we could voice our boundaries and desires, and handle dissent without it collapsing into resentment?
Why must change, both personal and societal, always be driven by the shock effect—by fear and the threat of loss?_________________________________________________________
"Lost" [by David Wagoner]
Lost
Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you
Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you.
If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,
You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows
Where you are. You must let it find you.
-- David Wagoner
(1999)
About the Author
Alexander is the founder and lead writer for The Usedguru Collective, a podcast and publication dedicated to exploring the complex forces that shape our world. With a background in social research and a passion for lifelong learning, he crafts the foundational analysis that fuels each thought-provoking episode.
usedguru collective, usedguru, alexander, Authenticity, Inner World, Consciousness, Self-Awareness, Social Conditioning, Conformity, Non-conformity, Personal Growth, Introspection, Emotional Intelligence, Mindfulness, Psychology, Philosophy, Spirituality, Shadow Work, Anger, Regret, Conscious Living, David Wagoner, David whyte
Alexander
